Free Write 25

I've been having a really hard time staying awake lately. I've had trouble sleeping for years, but I've never been the kind of person to take naps throughout the day - I fall asleep easily while traveling, granted, but usually when I'm sitting at home messing around on my computer I stay perfectly awake. Lately, however, I feel myself drifting almost constantly throughout the day, and if I get on the couch in my usual spot to play games or watch youtube, I quickly fall asleep, and while I'll wake up around a half an hour later, each time I fall asleep on the couch it becomes harder not to fall back asleep when I wake up.

I've been getting more woodworking tools, which I'm pretty excited about. Having a decent saw will make my projects in general considerably easier and less physically taxing, and finally having a decent whittling knife means that I can start exploring that venue. I had already gotten a book on how to get started with it, and looking through it there's some really cool stuff in there to make, and I'm excited to try my hand at it all. It'll take some practice, of course, but it's not like there are other things that won't. And it's something that both will allow me to make some very cool stuff, and help give me something that I can idly do with my hands, which is always a good thing for me.

I have been loving blacksmithing as well. I'm not particularly good at it, though I doubt after three days anyone is, but I find it weirdly relaxing. The heat, the sound of pounding steel, the steady pace of shaping the metal as I work. I don't know what it is, but I do actually feel relaxed while doing it. There are times when I'm worried about the project that that stops being as true, but that's something that will lessen with time and experience and knowledge. I wish I knew what it was that makes me feel relaxed - it would be nice to be able to replicate that.

I was doing really good for a long stretch there at writing fiction. I mean, I don't know that the quality was all that great, but I was doing it frequently and making a huge lead on my goal of two fiction for every one real talk. But I've been having a really hard time writing lately. I'm not exactly sure what's causing it - fatigue, laziness, writer's block. Could be a lot of things. I've been in a weird place for a while now, and while it's from things that have been affecting me for nearly half my life, they're becoming much harder to deal with as of late. It's kind of like, now that I've acknowledged it, it can really take a hold of my brain and pin me down. It's certainly not something I'm comfortable with. But I don't have much choice but to keep trying to work through it, so I suppose that's what I'll keep working on.