Free Write 23

I wanted to apologize for all of the introspective writing that I have been doing lately. I've been in a really weird place lately - having to face a lot of things that I have tried to ignore for a long time, admit a lot of things that I'm not comfortable admitting, and trying to figure out what the hell to do with myself. That being said, I would be surprised if they stopped any time soon. I would truly rather be writing fiction - I've just been having a very hard time being able to sit down and focus on it.

I recently played through the game Nier: Automata. It is a very strange game. The writing is odd. The gameplay is a little whack. There's a lot of very odd design choices. And I would never wish for that game to be any different. I cannot tell you how good that game was - it was straight fun, intriguing, and the more and more I played it, the less and less I wanted to put it down. I was invested in the characters, in the world, in the story. It genuinely touched me and pulled at my heartstrings. It was incredible - and I cannot say why without spoiling the game. Suffice to say, it is worth experiencing. Even if you can guess what's coming, it will hit you hard. Even when the characters aren't human.

I find certain games - like Monster Hunter, which I have talked about frequently - difficult to go back to. Not because I don't want to, but because I know how much of a time sink they are. Not to say that I don't enjoy the time I spend on them, but in the case of Monster Hunter, a single hunt will average about half an hour, and I won't necessarily make a lot of progress from that time. I'll get in a hunt for a monster I don't need parts for, or it won't give me the parts that I need, and I know that it won't help me in getting through the next hunt. And I love the game, and the way you progress, and the hunts are what it's all about. But knowing that I could be putting in six hours and still not have made the progression I'm looking for... It's not exactly heartening.

I suppose in some ways that's kind of my problem in the real world. I want results a lot faster than they're actually going to come. And I know that it takes a lot of time and commitment to make real progress, and I've been through that progress many times, but that doesn't necessarily mean that I want to go through it all again. I'd rather stick with what I know. But what I know doesn't always work out for me. So I've got to figure out how to calm myself down.