Git gud

I've always considered myself to be a jack of all trades, master of none. I generally have a pretty high base for my skill level in most things - art not included - but a pretty low skill ceiling by comparison. So while to beginners I may seem like I am far above them when things start out, by the time they've committed any effort to something, they've far surpassed where I stand. It's a pretty frustrating feeling, watching the people around you surpass you quickly and easily while you struggle behind. People that never seemed like someone who would be able to surpass you, even.

I asked a friend of mine to help me figure out how to get better at playing Super Smash Bros today, seeing as he's spent so much time learning the game that he's completely surpassed the rest of us in his skill level. It's somewhat belittling asking him for help with that, seeing as he's easily the least skillful one of my friends - and as rude as that sounds, he would agree with that in a heartbeat. To be honest, I didn't get much out of it. Trying to move up in skill at something is something that I just don't seem to understand. It's like there's something about upper level things that just doesn't click in my head. Like there's an impassable fog in my mind that refuses to fade.

It's probably most noticeable to me in relation to video games, as there is a visual and numerical value to the lack of skill, but I find it applies in most places as well. My writing included. I have been writing everyday for what is closing in on half of a year, and I feel like I haven't advanced much in my skill as a writer. I feel like I haven't really figured out what I'm doing wrong, or what I'm doing right, or where I can improve or focus. I look at my words, and I just can't make out what the value is in them.

It's hard for me to really explain what it is that happens when I try to break through my skill ceilings, which is admittedly probably part of the problem. It's like ramming my head against a brick wall, which may be able to give after you hit it enough times under normal circumstances, except that it's backed by another wall made of iron. And it doesn't help that I'm a very angry and bitter person. I'm the kind of person who starts to throw controllers when I get angry at a game, and I'm the kind of person who will get mad at a game pretty quickly. Which, unfortunately, translates into a lot of other aspects of my life.

I just wish I knew how to get better at things. I know the idea is practice, practice, practice. And I have tried to practice repeatedly. And in some things, it works. I'm good at exercising. I can get strong. I can get fast. I can't really get accurate, but my muscles are incredibly good at remembering things. My mind, however... Not as much.