Conversation

I've never been good at making conversation. You could say I'm just not good at small talk, or that I'm not good at being around people, and you'd be right. But the way I always put it is that I'm not good at words - which sounds really silly and stupid coming from a writer, I guess. But it's more so that I'm not good at the spoken word. I can't really think fast enough to have a normal conversation - much less a debate, though that's not really the point. I repeat questions back at people all the time, both to buy myself time to think and to make sure that I understood their words correctly. And even then, the most common word I say in conversation is "Uh."

I don't think particularly quickly, which is pretty funny when I consider my speed to be better one of my better skills. A lot of my speed comes from muscle memory, much like most things in my life are. However, muscle memory really doesn't do you anything when it comes to speaking. You may be able to make the sounds, and have some vague understanding of what you want to say, but without consciously thinking about it, you're not going to make it very far. You need to decide what words to use. And I'm not good at that.

That's why when I'm writing, a spend a decent amount of time looking away from what I'm typing, my fingers twitching over the keyboard, trying to think of the next word. Be it this blog, or a novel, or a casual or business email. I just have to spend a chunk of time looking over my words, mulling over them, making sure that I'm saying the things I want to say, the way I want to say them. Though I don't do much editing, the way I write these blog posts is similar - stopping all the time, just trying to think of the word that comes next. But if you try and do that, face-to-face with each other, it doesn't work out so well.

I don't have go to topics, either. The "how about that weather?" question comes from that kind of idea - having a point at which you always start conversations, so as to never have to worry about what to say to someone when you run into them for the first time. I don't think there's anyone who really starts off with talking about the weather, unless of course there really is something going on. Sudden and abrupt rain, for instance, is an excellent example.

There are things I'm better at talking about, of course. Particularly, I'm good at talking about writing, fitness, gaming, and relationships - which, when listed together like that, sounds really bizarre. Which I suppose is pretty fitting of my character. The last of those in particular is something most people are not good at talking about. But not only am I ok with it, I have given advice all too many times. Good advice, if I do say so myself. Advice that isn't followed very often, and thus leads to poor events and circumstances.

But even then, I have to be comfortable with someone to talk about those things. Kind of the curse of being an introvert. Which will make it really awkward, I bet, when the magical day comes that I publish a book, and have to talk to people about it. But at least then I'll have the book to fall back on.