Creation

Although when talking about it, I frequently explain that I write stories, in my mind I more commonly think of it as creating a story. A world. Characters and situations. Perhaps with my current skill level it is only writing, but my goal is to create them, if that makes sense. I won't be satisfied simply to have someone read my stories. I want them to have the world of my stories appear in their mind, to feel as though they are on a journey with my characters, standing next to them and experiencing the events that they are living through with them.

A creator is what I want to be in a lot of ways. Creating is perhaps my favorite thing to do in life. Not just in writing, but in most everything that I do. I have had the fortune of being able to experience a wide variety of things in my life, from places to experiences to the chance to gain new skills. And the things that I have enjoyed the most, the things that I think about most frequently, and the things that I want to go back to are always the things that let me create. Writing. Music. Lutherie. Flameworking. Silversmithing. And though I have yet to try it, I have always wanted to and am sure that I would love blacksmithing, as I have mentioned before.

I'm not sure when I really realized that I love creating, as I understand it now. It may not have been all that long ago. And while I normally say that I'm not a creative person, I know that's not entirely true. Just the fact that this blog exists at all is proof otherwise. The real problem is that I'm not as creative as I want to be. I'm very good at taking a set of instructions and following them. Given time and patience (which I don't always have), I can take an image placed in front of me and replicate it. But when asked to make something from scratch, well... That's where problems start to come in.

I'm not much of an artist is all. I'm much better at function over form, which has its advantages at times, but isn't really enough. Having something beautiful in my hands, that I can point at and say "I made this" is one of the coolest, most prideful feelings I have ever experienced. And then being able to pass that thing that I created off to someone else, and seeing them using it or taking it with them places... I can't even begin to describe the swelling I feel in my chest.

I've built worlds. I've built songs. I've built instruments. I've built glass structures and jewelry. And I love all of those things. I would gladly go back and do any of them time and time again. But my writing - my worlds - are the only ones that I couldn't remake. I couldn't make the same ones over and over again. I want them to be different and unique in some way. New worlds with new people and new troubles. And as hard as that is for me to do, it is also the most appealing because of that. I willingly choose the most difficult in that way.

You know. Because I'm an idiot.