I love you

We had been sitting in the grass for an hour, just awkwardly attempting to make conversation. Admittedly, we hadn't known each other all that long, and we were still very much in that awkward phase of figuring stuff out. There were a lot of things that we had to learn about each other, and while we were trying to work on figuring them out, that kind of thing always takes time, because it's a lot harder to think of the important things about yourself than you expect it to be.

But she was running low on time, needing to get back home, so, somewhat reluctantly, we got up and shared a goodbye hug. Hard to say how long we were standing there. Far longer than a goodbye hug had any right to last, but it sure didn't stop us. We didn't want to leave.

I don't think there was any denying at the time what our feelings for each other were. They were young and fledgling, sure, but we were fully aware of them, and at least some of the people around us were too. We just didn't fully understand them. Not yet. Perhaps I had a better idea - I had more experience. But this was new. Different. In a lot of ways.

But when I was holding her, and all throughout when we had been talking, there was one thought running through my mind. Three little words, repeating over and over in my head, and I wanted to say them out loud, but... Could I? Should I? How would she react? Was now the right time? Did I even really mean them? There was just something about her, something I couldn't explain, but that I felt rushing up against me, forcing its way into every inch of my brain until there wasn't any space for anything else.

I knew it was early. There were still a lot of uncertainties, a lot of things that had the potential to fail. But I knew what I was feeling, or at least I felt pretty sure that I did. And I had a good feeling about what her feelings were. And yet...

Then she was pulling away. She had more than run out of time, and she needed to go. It was the make or break time. I could speak my mind, just let it happen, let out those words that were straining so hard against my brain, or I could hold it back and have it continue to fester and bother me. The struggle of saying them was so frustrating, so painful, that I just didn't know if I even could.

So I made up my mind. I took her face in my hands. I looked her in the eyes. I summoned up all the courage in my body, all the stupidity that allowed me to ignore my inhibitions, all of the fear and need, and I pushed it all into that one, tiny, quiet sentence.

"I love you."

The words were out of my mouth, and it was too late to reach out and grab them back. Iwas almost scared to see her expression, but the look on her face. Her thoughts were practically spelled out right there in her eyes.

"Oh my god. I can't believe you just said that. Oh my god. Oh my god. I'm going to kiss you so hard right now."