Sex in writing

I've talked before about why I try to refrain from writing sexual content on my blog, and so you may be questioning why I'm writing this now. The reason being that I don't intend on going into explicit detail about sex. No scenes, no descriptions. If that disappoints you, well... I don't know why you're here. But we're still talking sex, so if that's not your thing, well... Come back tomorrow.

I've noticed that there are quite a few movies and tv shows especially that seem to believe that adding sex in will make the show somehow more... I don't know. Mature? Deep? And I don't mean implied sex, I mean straight up sex. Full blown scenes thrown awkwardly into the middle of interactions, sometimes with narration going over them to explain what's going on in the greater arc of the show. They don't add anything, or give any context to the the greater scheme of what's happening. They're just filler with an excuse of being "sexy."

I don't see this happening as frequently in books, though admittedly part of that might be just because of what kinds of books I read. I know that there's an entire genre of erotic novels, but that's not the same as taking just an otherwise regular plotline and adding in sex for the sake of fan service. I really can't understand the purpose - but I suppose I'm just not the kind of guy who gets in to stuff like that in general, so maybe it's just a personal problem.

And the thing is, you can use sex effectively. It's totally within the realm of possiblity to use sex as a plot point, and to gain information or depth from that kind of scene. Generally speaking, you're not fully in control of your mind at times like that like you are during your normal day. Holding on to a mask, or keeping secrets - the walls that make that possible are more easily weakened in sex. It takes a strong will to maintain those during such sensitive times, which can be utilized to show the difference between two people who may even be at odds.

But that doesn't happen all that often, and when it does, a lot of the time it's by a side character and in the background. Any sex that a main character has is more likely just to show how attractive and powerful they are. But is it really all that great to be having sex for sex sake? It doesn't make you any stronger or sexier. It just shows what kind of person you are, and if you met that person in real life, you wouldn't think of them as being cool - you'd think of them as being a tool.

I think that's the real disconnection people make between characters in stories and people in the real world. For some reason, things that make people annoying in our lives makes them cool on screens. I would love to understand why that is, but I don't. To me, there's no difference between the two when it comes to making a "character" great. Which is why when it comes to sex I want there to be meaning behind it.

But I guess that just makes me a romantic.