Free Write 4

Man, I really didn't want to do another of these, but...

Well, that's the first thing I want to talk about. To be honest, as of late, I really haven't wanted to write. Not, like, in general. I don't want to give up being an author - though at times, whether or not I can get by as one is a very real and very disturbing concern of mine. But I just feel burnt out. Yesterday was the 450th post on this blog, which is just... wow. I never thought I would get that far. But god damn, man, I feel so dry. My creativity pools are just draining. And if that's been showing through in my writing, I apologize.

It's been four months since I've finished it, and I still haven't gone back to my novel from Nano. It's not that I don't like the story or anything. It just doesn't feel like I wrote a satisfactory ending to it - there's a lot of things left in it that I want to do. If anything, it's only half done. But because I want to finish that fifty thousand word mark, I kind of just pushed myself into a corner to get the word count done, and I'm not sure what I want to do about it. Lately I've been considering just erasing that whole part of it; it's not really well written, the explanations I gave for things are pretty dumb, and it's been holding me off. But that's a lot of effort to be wasted. I just don't know.

I've also been finding in my writing lately I've been moving away somewhat from the medieval setting. It's not that I don't enjoy it any more - I've always loved everything medieval, and I probably always will. I just get so excited even thinking about knights and castles and swords. But I guess I've just felt lately that trying to push myself into that setting all the time is limiting me. Plus it's a lot easier to find inspiration for modern day pieces - sort of like I'm constantly surrounded by it or something. I feel like in longer pieces I might still be more inclined to do medieval writings, but in these short little tidbits... Who knows.

Sometimes I wonder if I should update the way the blog looks. I just kind of picked generic templates that were available to me on the backend and rolled with it. To be honest, I don't ever really see it - the back end of the blog looks very different from the site itself, and I almost never go onto the site itself. But I remember what I picked. I question whether it might be a little bit over the top for a guy just writing fictional pieces at random every day. But I know absolutely nothing about site design, and I don't want it to look bland and boring. Plus, orange is my favorite color.

I also sometimes dream about the future, and what I want to have happen as a writer. I don't ever want to stop this blog. The dream is that one day, when I'm a big time writer, people can come here and get tastes of what might be coming, or if they want to read more things by me they'll all be here, or even look back at where I came from and get inspired by how bad I used to be at writing, and how good I will be. I even dream about getting fan art of what I write, and being able to feature it here on the blog - that, honestly, I thought of very early on when I saw that you could add pictures to your blog posts. I'd love to be able to inspire people to create with my words like that. But sometimes it feels more like a far off imagination rather than an attainable dream.