The missed day

I missed my first day yesterday. Honestly, I have some reasonable excuses. Sickness, scheduling stuff, yada yada. But it's all kind of irrelevant. I missed a day. I messed up. And I feel bad about it.

The important thing from here is to not let myself do it again. I can't let myself get discouraged by missing one day, and let myself miss another day, and then another, and then another. I've done it before. I've done it so many times. And I just can't let myself do it. I've fallen behind on things, and become discouraged, and never picked them back up again. Things that I throughly enjoyed, and to this day wish that I still did.

It's not that everything I've stopped doing I regret stopping. There are things that I know I just shouldn't be doing. And getting discouraged and stopping something isn't necessarily a bad thing, given that it prompts you to go out and do something new and different and better. But that's not what I'm talking about here.

I love writing. That should probably be fairly obvious at this point. Making this blog and trying to upkeep it is frankly one of the best decisions I have ever made. God damn is it hard, and some days I hate trying to think of new things to write. But that's the challenge. It's the challenge that I need to face, have needed to face, and will continue to face for the rest of my life, because I will never be able to stop writing. It is too far engrained into my person. And forcing myself to finally face this challenge, getting myself to write like I've wanted to for so long. It feels so good.

Missing that day hurt. It hurt really bad. But I can't let it stop me. I have to keep going. I don't know how I'm going to keep it going. I don't know how to make myself do it everyday. They say if you do something every day for thirty days, you make a habit. Clearly that hasn't happened for me yet, and I had hit over 60 days. So I guess I have to go further and longer. But god dammit, I'm going to try. I have to try.

If there's anyone out there reading this, and especially if you find yourself in a similar situation, work with me. I know I've said a lot of this stuff before, but it's important. We all need to find that thing that we're passionate about, that we love, that we can do for the rest of our lives without stopping or regretting. You may not know what that thing is right now, but don't think that you'll never find it. It's never too late for you to find your passion.

I've been lucky a lot in my life. I've known where my passions lay for nearly my entire life. I've survived a lot of shit that I probably shouldn't have. But I can't run on luck forever, and frankly, I'm tired of being lucky. It's made me complacent. It's made me weak. And all of this writing is helping me see that. See more clearly my weaknesses, and making me want to fix them.

I don't know how, but if you are anything like me, then join me. Challenge yourself. Find what you love, and make yourself do it, every single day. If you want to, put it out there for people to see. It's scary. You may not get noticed. God knows I almost never get any views on this blog. But it doesn't matter. If you love what you are doing, and if there is even just one person out there who enjoys your work, and keeps coming back to see it, then what you are doing is worth it.

I have to keep going. We all do. And so while I won't simply forget the day that I missed, I won't let it stop me. Someday, somewhere down the line, I will hit a full year of writing every single day. And then two years. And I'll keep going until the day that I die. Because that's what I need to do.