REI

I've mentioned before that I now work at REI, which is a statement I'm not afraid of making, unlike when I was previously working at Target - probably because I have very few poor things to say about REI, which is the opposite of what it was like at Target. I'm not sure if REI is the place that I want to spend the rest of my life - retail in general has its ups and downs, especially for someone like me who doesn't particularly like being around large numbers of people - but I would argue that it is easily the best place for me as of right now.

I forget if I've talked about this on here before, but I suffer from pretty major depression, and have only recently been diagnosed for it. I've tried for a very long time to ignore and bury this fact - doing so has not stopped it. It has not helped me. As of now, however, acknowledging it has not particularly helped either. But months of acknowledgment are not much in the face of years of hiding. Which brings me to the reason why REI has been so spectacular for me.

REI, for the unaware, is a co-operative and not a business, which means that they are not owned and controlled by stocks, but rather their members - and their members are their customers. Quite literally - to become a member is a one-time fee of twenty dollars, non-recurring, it lasts the rest of your life, and it gives you not only access to exclusive dividends and discounts, but gives you the right to vote on REI's board of directors. Target sure as hell won't offer you that. And it's not like Costco, which requires a membership to get through the door. An REI membership is completely optional. But what have you got to lose? Hell, we don't even keep the money - we donate one hundred percent of membership fees to national parks and services.

This puts employees - and particularly the higher-ups - in a rather unique position compared to other companies. Money is not the bottom line. Is it important? Of course. You have to make money to continue operations. But people are the bottom line. We don't want you to come back so that we get more money - we want you to come back because you enjoy being in the store, sharing your stories of where you've been and where you're going, and get the advice of people who do those same kinds of things and know a ton about the different products you're going to be buying.

But a customer can't enjoy shopping if the employee doesn't enjoy working. Which is why, when I told my manager that I suffer from depression, and that as it has recently gotten worse it has become more difficult for me to work, despite how I feel about the company, he was understanding. Supremely understanding. He wasn't mad at me for wanting to leave early. He wasn't upset with me for hiding this fact about myself up to now. Rather, he was proud of me for being brave enough to admit it, and he wanted to help. He told me how to get a leave if I needed it so that what I'm going through would not impact my standing with the company. He offered his own advice from his own experiences. He gave me tissues and literally got up and hugged me when I couldn't hold it in anymore.

And I know that I can trust him.

I've had good experiences at my particular REI, and I've been to a few others that I really couldn't speak ill of either. I don't know a lot about the big picture. But if my manager, a man who is willing to do so much to help me when I need it, tells me that when he sees what headquarters and the new CEO are doing he gets excited for the future of REI, so do I.

Organization

Michael dumped out the tools onto the table, worrying more about making sure they didn't fall to the floor than he did about being neat in his emptying. There wasn't much point in trying to make it look neat - this was just a temporary home as he actually cleaned. He had spent too long working in cramped quarters with tools spewed about in every direction. It was becoming difficult just to work on anything, because so much of it was in the way and he didn't want to move it, knowing that he had no good place to put it.

It would be a project, for sure. He had already spent the better part of a week just trying to clear out the spare room in his garage - there was little place to put most of it, and unfortunately not all of it was junk, so he had had to organize just he could organize. It probably would have been considerably easier if he had had someone helping him, if for no other reason than he wouldn't have gotten physically exhausted so quickly, but it was his space, his work, his tools, and his project. It seemed silly to have someone else do the work for him. After all, it would be him using everything, and it was best if he knew exactly where everything had gotten placed.

First was his actual storage. He had built the decent sized cabinet some months prior, but he had done a poor job of actually using it at the time, and now it would be a job to actually move it into the side room. There were a number of things in the path between the cabinet and the door, and while he had done his best to make as much room as possible, there were many things that he simply couldn't move, and so it would be quite the obstacle to overcome.

Once that was complete, however, he could begin work on cleaning and storing the tools he had just finished dumping out onto the table. While that wouldn't be necessarily hard, it would be tedious, and he may very well decide that he did not like his basic idea for an organization as he went along and need to redo it all. After all, it would be the first time he actually organized his tools, and he wasn't entirely sure how he wanted to do it. While that was, theoretically, one of the easier steps, it would probably take him the longest.

But having an actual work space dedicated to his projects would be a huge benefit, both because he would actually have enough space to work on things, and because he would no longer have to worry about things being upset once he set them down. Not to mention it would be much easier to clean up.

Free Write 25

I've been having a really hard time staying awake lately. I've had trouble sleeping for years, but I've never been the kind of person to take naps throughout the day - I fall asleep easily while traveling, granted, but usually when I'm sitting at home messing around on my computer I stay perfectly awake. Lately, however, I feel myself drifting almost constantly throughout the day, and if I get on the couch in my usual spot to play games or watch youtube, I quickly fall asleep, and while I'll wake up around a half an hour later, each time I fall asleep on the couch it becomes harder not to fall back asleep when I wake up.

I've been getting more woodworking tools, which I'm pretty excited about. Having a decent saw will make my projects in general considerably easier and less physically taxing, and finally having a decent whittling knife means that I can start exploring that venue. I had already gotten a book on how to get started with it, and looking through it there's some really cool stuff in there to make, and I'm excited to try my hand at it all. It'll take some practice, of course, but it's not like there are other things that won't. And it's something that both will allow me to make some very cool stuff, and help give me something that I can idly do with my hands, which is always a good thing for me.

I have been loving blacksmithing as well. I'm not particularly good at it, though I doubt after three days anyone is, but I find it weirdly relaxing. The heat, the sound of pounding steel, the steady pace of shaping the metal as I work. I don't know what it is, but I do actually feel relaxed while doing it. There are times when I'm worried about the project that that stops being as true, but that's something that will lessen with time and experience and knowledge. I wish I knew what it was that makes me feel relaxed - it would be nice to be able to replicate that.

I was doing really good for a long stretch there at writing fiction. I mean, I don't know that the quality was all that great, but I was doing it frequently and making a huge lead on my goal of two fiction for every one real talk. But I've been having a really hard time writing lately. I'm not exactly sure what's causing it - fatigue, laziness, writer's block. Could be a lot of things. I've been in a weird place for a while now, and while it's from things that have been affecting me for nearly half my life, they're becoming much harder to deal with as of late. It's kind of like, now that I've acknowledged it, it can really take a hold of my brain and pin me down. It's certainly not something I'm comfortable with. But I don't have much choice but to keep trying to work through it, so I suppose that's what I'll keep working on.

Of numbers

Sometimes when I have a dream, I wake up knowing that I have to find a way to make it into a story. Such was the case with Wings, with the novel I wrote this year for Nano, and for the dream I had last night. Sometimes it's a small scene that spawns an entire concept, and sometimes it's a long series of scenes that play out like a movie, and I have to find a way to not only connect them in a logical way, but mold the rest of a story around them. Some things get ditched and altered, and some remain remarkably close to the way they originally appeared in my mind.

It's kind of hard to explain everything that happened in my dream. A lot of it is disconnected, or draws on real life pop culture, but over all it did follow a central main character. I can say for sure that he was a young boy, not necessarily intelligent, but gifted with a strange sight. Everywhere he looked, he could see numbers, for many years seeming as though they were completely random. But with time he learned to connect them, to understand them, and to use them. In fact, there was a couple of lines I remember him saying, the first of which being "The numbers are your desires."

It takes place in a world of magic, though until this boy learns how to utilize these numbers, he is incapable of any meaningful magic. Everyone around him begins to learn how to control the elements, how to fly, how to fight, and he is stuck being plagued by these numbers.

But the numbers, once understood, allow him magic beyond the capabilities of any others. With understanding, he can see the literal fabric of reality, and using the numbers as code, rewrite it in anyway he sees fit. Of course, being the main character, he is fortunate enough to be a pacifist, and to want only to use this power to make the world a better and kinder place. However, he soon finds that he is not the only one who can see the numbers, and that the ability to see and manipulate them can even be taught to others.

This then prompts him, as the main person capable of using this power, to open a new school of magic, which he deems the Guardians. He wishes for them to a neutral party, not to take any sides in combat, but instead serve to enhance the world by pulling the best creations from past and future, studying them, learning not only how to create them, but to improve them as well. Again, when speaking of the purpose of the Guardians, a line that I remember him saying: "A house isn't a home if your neighbors can't knock and say hello."

Now, a lot of this is weird, and very cheesy. Personally, I don't have much of a problem with cheese, but I can also see where someone like this character could make the story less interesting. It's certainly something that I would have to play around with, to see what kind of world I want to create and how to go about it. But I really enjoy the idea. It's almost like a coming of age story for the boy, as he discovers the depth of his powers and how he can use them, and more importantly what he wants to use them for. To witness him stand at the crossroads between the possibilities, and decide where he wants to go and what he wants to do. To me, that is the mark of a good character.

Elric Aldaraan

You may have noticed an increasing number of blog posts as of late about a character named Elric and his companions. Chances are if you know me and are reading these posts you already know this, but Elric is the name of my character in the Dungeons and Dragons campaign which I am playing in. The posts about him and his partners are all either retellings of events that have happened in the campaign, or me attempting to establish backstory for Elric. It's not all one hundred percent accurate to what happens in the games - partially because I don't have a perfect memory - but I find them to be a good source of inspiration for writing, and I find doing the writing helps me to explore Elric and really get in his head.

It probably helps that I enjoy the character. I find that I enjoy characters that don't necessarily know a whole lot, and thanks to Elric's many years in the monastery, he really doesn't know much about the real world - or at least what he considers to be the real world. It will be determined which he prefers eventually. It's kinda funny, he spent so long living in an idealistic and religious society that he really dislikes those kinds of things, but he is very idealistic himself. He believes that everyone deserves the choice of what to do with their lives, as long as they are not stopping or hurting others in the process. Eventually he'll see how difficult that can be to maintain. We'll see how he reacts to that.

The hardest part, though, is separating him from me when we're actually playing. There are definitely ways in which I would react to situations that are not the same as Elric would, and in the heat of the moment, it can be hard to differentiate. Moments like that have already happened - having Elric steal back some money that the party was made to pay, for instance. But I also can take those as an opportunity to explore his character. He had a purpose for stealing it, after all - he believed that his partner had been swindled and taken advantage of, and that went against his beliefs. It's not something he would do often, but if any of his friends are being swindled...

Stuff like that that makes an interesting character. And potential future events, as well. Stuff like - what if his ideals made him go against the party? What if, for one reason or another, he believed that the enemy was the one who was truly fighting for the freedom of choice? To me, in my mind, Elric would turn away from his companions if that were the case. Not because he doesn't care for them, but he believes in choice above all. It's an interesting dynamic to consider, and I hope I get the chance to explore it further.

Baphomet

Dei approached the strange object at the end of the hallway, carefully picking it up out of the broken vines that had previously been holding it in place. It was hard to tell what the purpose of it was - a cube with some kind of runic writing on it, a button on each side just under each rune, with no clear purpose or use. Prompted, she tossed the cube to Safia, who examined it for a moment before slipping it into her bed.

Before Dei could ask what was going on with the thing, Ash's body shivered and squirmed on the ground. While it was true they additionally and purposefully had avoided doing final fatal damage, this was an unprecedented occurrence. His wooden armor was falling away, being replaced by thick layers of fur. The creature forced itself up and onto its feet as the group stood, transfixed, unsure of what to happen. By the time it was on its feet, two massive horns had sprouted from its head, its legs had become that of a horse, and a long tail extended out from its backside. Even Parsley, who moments ago had been a rampaging bear, watched in shock as the body rose and roared at them all.

"I am Baphomet!" The beast cried out in anger, its voice ringing in the group's ears. "I will crush you all and send you spiraling in to the abyss!" Even without a weapon, the beast was massively powerful, crushing the ground beneath his feet with sheer force alone. Its claws and teeth were sharp as daggers, and he swung wildly at all amongst the group, seeming to care little about who had done what to him as they fought. He sought only for blood, caring little for strategy and relying entirely upon his brutal strength and hatred.

It was fortunate that the group had already dealt with the remaining guards while Ash had still been himself, for now as he had become whatever this Baphomet was, the group could focus their efforts on him alone. His skin was hard as steel, but slowly and surely they chipped away at him, until he began to look bruised and bloodied.

But even then, Baphomet would not let them achieve victory so easily. With seemingly little effort, it called forth two enormous wings from its spine, beginning to attempt to fly away. But they know that they could not permit such a foul creature to escape. Between thrown spears, magical spells, and flying arrows, Baphomet was downed just before he could escape, and let out a pitiful screech as the fur and muscles melted away to reveal a human man who had gone far beyond his own capacity.

Ash

"No, this isn't how it was supposed to go! You're ruining everything!"

The voice boomed down the hallway as the group and their escapees made their way through the guards, calling forth the shadows and burning them away. They were oddly coordinated - those adept in physical combat tore through the guards, leaving the shadows for the holy and magical combatants.

"Why, Heather?" the man cried out from the end of the hallway, standing just before the odd, glowing object that had been wrapped in thorns. "Why does it have to be this way?"

Zilgra had released her dog, Kore, and was mounted upon his back, whip and dagger in hands as she glared up at the man. "You of all people have no right to call me that, Ash!" she called out in response. "What the hell do you think you're doing? What gives you the right to decide?"

Ash watched as she and the monk ran up at him, weapons drawn and clearly coming to end him. In an instant, bark covered his body, encasing him in wooden armor, making it more difficult for them to harm him. If they were going to fight, he certainly wasn't going to let them get to him easily. He still had things to do. Plans to fulfill. He would unite man and beast under one flag, and anyone who dared stand in his way was going to perish first.

As the two ran towards him, the others finishing off the fights they had left behind, Ash sent vines to entangle their feet. But while they were easily able to entrap Kore, the monk was much faster than he anticipated, and the next thing he knew the elf was on top of him, spear and fists flying. He was fast and strong, Ash could tell, and it took nearly all of his concentration to dodge and deflect the blows. In the meantime, as Zilgra approached, he could do little to stop her strikes, though the damage they did was minimal. He heard blasts of magic going off around him, and the wall of rubble behind them slowly began to crack. If it weren't for the monk, he would be able to prevent that from happening, but his blows simply wouldn't stop.

But time was drawing slim for the group. He could feel the air beginning to change as the full moon was rising. They had chosen the wrong night to attack. The battlefield changed in an instant as bodies began to grow and transform. Even some among them had been affected by his curse, taken in to become one with the beasts.

But he had underestimated them. There was one in their group, the halfling, who became an enormous bear. That wasn't the strange part, however. The strange part was that she seemed to retain her sanity. And she seemed to know that, for she quickly turned to him.

The confusion distracted him long enough for the monk to land two quick blows to his gut, making him double over. And then, in an instant, the bear was on top of him, claws swinging wildly, tearing his armor to shreds. How had this happened? And then a claw was crossing his chest, opening a wound, and he lost consciousness.