Staying awake

I touched on this about a week ago, but I've been having a very hard time staying awake lately. I've had trouble sleeping for years, and it seems it's finally catching up with me - I near constantly feel as though I am on the edge of falling asleep, and if I don't have something to keep my hands and mind active, I very likely will. It's especially a problem when I'm at work, because unless I am very actively engaged with a customer, I usually don't have a lot that keeps me active enough to fully stay awake. I don't fall asleep on my feet, but I certainly don't feel particularly awake.

I know people who wouldn't really find this to be much of a problem. For them, sleep is a wonderful thing and they can never get enough of it. And I definitely can't argue that I don't need the sleep. I very much do. But I would rather I be getting it at night, when I'm in bed, rather than during the day when I'd like to be getting things done. Every time I fall asleep is time lost during the day, and while I may not always use my time very efficiently, I often wish to do things at specific times, which is ruined by sleeping through it. Silly things, like not wanting to start working on a project until the turn of the hour, but at least when I'm awake and that time comes, I'll actually go and get to work. But lately I keep sleeping through and wanting to wait until the next hour, and then falling asleep again, over and over and over.

Even now as I'm typing all of this out, I'm fighting to keep myself awake. My eyes are threatening to close, I can't stop yawning, and my brain is certainly not functioning on full throttle. It's honestly probably part of the reason I haven't been writing much fiction lately - I'm too tired to try and actively create a story. I've tried, and I just don't feel good about what comes out of my fingers. I hate it, because I feel as though I'm losing control of myself, which is really saying something when I consider how little control I've felt as though I have had over myself to begin with.

I should really probably get a sleep study done. I need to figure out where to go for one, what I have to do, stuff like that. Not to mention I'll have to figure out when I'll have time to do it. Having a job makes dealing with health problems not the easiest thing in the world. But like I've said before, at least my job cares.