Free Write 16

I don't feel right. I'm not exactly sure how to explain it - I feel like I've been carved out like the inside of a pumpkin, but I got set aside without being given a jack-o-lantern's face. I don't feel like I'm me anymore. And I mean, I wasn't that big a fan of me in the first place, but there's a difference between changing one's self and losing one's self. I feel like I've lost me instead of changing me, and it's a bizarre feeling. It certainly doesn't feel good.

Part of it is sleep. I sleep bad in general, but it's been particularly bad of late. Frequently waking up, nightmares. Throughout the day I find myself drifting off and nearly falling asleep - it's only a matter of time before I actually do pass out in the middle of the day. In theory you could argue that that wouldn't necessarily be a bad thing, because clearly I do need it. But I would much rather just get the quality sleep at night when I'm actually trying to sleep. Sleep quality is the thing that really kills me, not quantity.

Dragon Quest 8 came out the other day on 3DS, which I've been eagerly looking forward to for quite a while. It was a game on PS2 way back in the day that I loved, but was never able to finish before losing my copy, which I have searched for for years and never been able to find. The nice thing is that it is certainly as good as I remember it being. The gameplay is solid, the story is solid, the characters are fun, and the voice acting is spot on and hilarious. I just wish I could put more energy into playing it.

Or into most things. That's the hardest part lately - having energy to do just about anything. I was doing alright for a while, just trying to make myself do things whether I felt like it or not. But it's getting increasingly harder to make myself move. Just to get out of bed and get anything done - literally anything.

This free write was a lot more negative than I wanted it to be, but I unfortunately don't have a lot else on my mind at the moment. I struggled endlessly with trying to find a prompt to write, because this was exactly what I didn't want to write. But I suppose sometimes you just have to put down the words that are in your head.