Writing thoughts

I kind of glazed over it the other day, but I think pretty differently when I'm in the middle of a book that I'm writing than I do when I'm not working on a piece. They're thoughts that come and go unprompted throughout the day. The thought of words and stories just kind of pass through my brain, and I think about where I am in my story and what questions remain to be answered or even asked, and I'll make these decisions unconsciously. It's this really cool feeling of building without exactly trying to build that I've never experienced anywhere else in my life. It's inspiring, but it's also scary, because it can make it hard to want to write without having had the thoughts first. But the thoughts don't come unless I've spent time writing. It's almost a vicious cycle, but if I've ever been in one that I wanted to stay in, this would be it.

But it's not necessarily just focused on the story itself. It's subtle, but I look at the world differently as well. I look at the people around me, the places I spend time, the things that I do, and I pay more attention. I pick and choose things, both carefully and precariously. I mix them together. I take this person's name, that person's hobby, that room, this house, his way of speaking, her way of thinking. I put it all together in one brand new person. I take from me the most, because I know myself the best, but the more characters I make, the more inspiration I need. And sometimes I'll take one real life thing and split it up amongst several characters. Little habits. Strange talents. Everything that makes a person who they are, and then I tear it apart and make a dozen new people out of it.

Sometimes it's intentional, and sometimes it's not. Sometimes I make all of those different people at once, and sometimes it's a slow process that happens one at a time, over and over as I continue to create and build and expand. But no matter what you're doing, where you are, where you're going, the story continues to exist in the back of your head as long as you work on it every day. And so the thoughts never stop. You learn more about your characters, their goals, their desires, who they are and who they're going to be. Sometimes you realize that they're destined to die, and sometimes that's scary, and sometimes that's exciting. Because just because they're one of your characters doesn't mean that they're one of the good guys.

It really probably doesn't come as any surprise to anyone that a writer would think this way, and it doesn't come as a surprise to me. I just want to put the feeling into words, because that's kind of how I do. I wish it was something that more people could experience. That shock and awe you get when watching a really good movie or reading a really good book, only it's coming from your own head and coming from your own stories, and it's coming completely at random. That constant feeling of learning. It's exhilarating. It helps me remember sometimes why I enjoy writing in the first place.