Free Write 11

I'm not a political person. I don't want to be involved in politics, I don't want to deal with the arguments, I don't want to hear people shouting opinions back and forth about things that are almost entirely out of their control anyway. I'm the kind of person who wants to focus on me, and how to better myself, and what I'm doing wrong. I don't even want to think about the idiots running my country, and the fact that we've enabled them to fuck over the rest of us so that they can make a pretty penny. I don't care what side you're from - it's best you recognize that's what they're all out for. Everyone has their own agenda. Big or small, you recognize that and it'll help you recognize who you want to be around.

I wouldn't be happy with America's election cycle tonight regardless of which way it goes, nor have I ever been. All it ever leads to is more arguments and a steeper downhill slope for the country as a whole. People always argue. People always fight. It would take one hell of a change to make that any different these days, and it sure as hell wasn't going to come with this election. I think most people can agree with that.

But I don't want to talk about politics any more. I'm sick and tired of it. I haven't heard anyone stop talking about it for months, and with the way tonight is going, it sure as hell isn't going to stop any time soon either. I'd rather spend that time focusing on my writing, my weight, my mental stability. I'd rather play games, and get back out into the wilderness, and find myself. I don't feel like I've been finding that anywhere in civilization. I've been finding a lot of things that I'm uncomfortable with, and that I know I shouldn't be, and that I need to work on improving. But I don't feel like any of those things are helping me find who I am.

I've missed writing. Even though I've been struggling with getting myself to do the writing for Nano this year, I've missed the thoughts that go through my mind when I'm working on a real book. The kinds of strange, out there thoughts that if anyone heard you speak aloud, they'd think you were insane. The thrill I get when I realized that something was going to happen, or that it already happened and I just didn't realize. The wonder of learning why things are happening, or how they are happening, or how they are going to happen. It's such a bizarre feeling, but I've forgotten what it feels like. And I always forget, year after year.

I really need to write more.