A team

I've written before about how I'm not particularly fond of - or good at - writing a story with a myriad of characters involved, and I think part of that is probably because I've never been much of a team player. It's not necessarily because I don't like people, or that I don't trust them - although it would be hard to argue that either of those statements are untrue. It's really more of just that I want to be able to prove that I can do things. I was raised for a long time being constantly told that I was the leader. My family told me that. My friends told me that. And I would argue that I wasn't, but I think that that seed got planted in my head and started to take root regardless, and so it was hard for me to admit to being the guy who needed help, cause I was supposed to be the one helping those around me.

Like many things, this was something I realized a long time ago, but never really did anything about. I never had a reason to. It never seemed to be a problem. It's kinda funny how small stuff like that goes into the rest of your life and comes up in weird places. I spent a long time thinking that my writing was simply better than a lot of other people's. I'm not really proud to admit that, but it's true. I had this belief that I was going to be one of the great writers, and that I would sell the next great best-selling novel, so on and so forth.

I think writing this blog was really the wake up call on that. Much of my writing here is just bad. I'm not afraid to admit that. It's horrendous. But I do think that it has gotten better since I've started writing here, and I think that helps me to look back and realize some of the mistakes that I've made. And that helps me connect the dots - even if it's in really weird ways.

The thing that got me thinking on teamwork in particular was video games. Particularly the recent hit, Overwatch, which I have begun to get into. And that game is heavily based on teamwork, and having played several hours with teams who were even worse at the game then I was, I started to realize that it didn't matter how good I was at it if the people around me weren't. Which is funny, because I've played other games that heavily encourage teamwork, and I've played them by myself. Especially Monster Hunter. But with time, I've found that it's just not as fun unless you really get a good team going.

And I think that's pretty true with stories as well. I may be able to tell a story with a minimal number of characters, but it's going to feel pretty empty and restricted. So while it may be difficult and uncomfortable for me, I probably should spend some time figuring out how to involve more characters in my stories. Figure out how to make them interact in ways to inject more character into the world, and give more context to the events unfolding.

But god damn am I gonna have to keep a reference sheet in order to do that. I forget how to spell my main characters' names if I walk away from a story for too long.