Moving forward

"So," his sister asked him, "What comes next?"

Lars turned to look at her. They were laying on the roof of their house, looking up at the stars of the late night sky. He had just finished his time at school, and it was his first day back at home. "I don't know," he replied. "I'm just rolling with the punches at this point. Letting what happens happen."

Sheela rolled over on her side so she could prop herself up to look at her brother. Her face was not that of one amused. "That's it?" She asked bitterly. "You don't have any grand plans? Wasn't the point of what you've been doing the past four years to decide what you were going to do with your life? And you're telling me you failed to do that."

Lars rolled his eyes. "Life changes," he said. "I had plans, but just because I made them doesn't mean that they were going to just magically work out. A lot of things have happened while I was in college."

"That doesn't mean you couldn't have been working on stuff for your future."

"You're right. And I have been. But I'm still dependant on chance. I don't know what job I'm going to end up taking. Even if I get in the field that I've been aiming for, I don't know if I'll enjoy the work that I have to do. I may find out that I'm better off in a place I never even considered going before. I have no way of knowing what's going to happen."

"So you're just going to passively let it come to you?"

"No, I'll still work towards things. But if it fails, I'll try not to get too broken up about it. The failures may be the guiding lights to a brighter future."

Sheela rolled back onto her back and stared up at the sky. For a while they laid in silence, watching the twinkling of the stars and letting the cool night breeze pass over them. 

"Getting old sounds scary," she finally said, half a whisper. 

"Yeah," Lars said. "It is."

"How are you so calm about it?"

Lars turned once more to look at his sister. She was still staring up at the stars, as if she had hardly realized the question had left her lips. He looked back up and thought for a while before he answered. 

"I'm not," he said. "Inside, I'm terrified. More terrified of what's coming than I have ever been of anything before. I don't know if it's ever going to be okay. But I have to keep going. Because somewhere out there might be joys for me beyond anything I have ever experienced before. And that's worth the fear. So I can't let that fear hold me back."

Again they sat for a long while in silence, Lars' words floating in the air between them. 

"You're really brave, bro."

Lars chuckled. "I don't know about that," he said. "But thanks."