Real talk?

To tell you the truth, I was originally going to write tonight a fiction piece about hunting dragons. It wouldn't have been the first time I've written something like that, and I certainly know how to write such a battle. But as I sat at my computer and stared at the screen, it slowly became apparent that it simply wasn't going to happen today.

I haven't been in a place mentally lately to write. I don't know why. If I did I'd probably do something to fix it. But it's become harder everyday for me to think of things to write, and that's just something I have to do deal with. Many people would probably consider this a time in which they should take a break, but not me. I know what will happen if I take a break, and I've talked about why that simply isn't an option.

And so I choose to write about anything, regardless of what it is. And thus this is happening. In a way, I can't really justify writing a lot of these real talk pieces. The only explanation I have is that I want to keep writing. I want to stay in the habit, and if I have to ramble meaningless dribble, than so be it. I wish I could write more sensible things, things that had more content and meaning to them, but I find it better to write nothing than not to write anything.

I can only imagine how annoying it must be to see these posts as a reader. How easy it is to see that want I am writing amounts to nothing, and to simply move on without finishing. I can't say that I would blame anyone for doing that. But then again, that's why things like this don't end up in the final product of a book.

Posts like these are probably more akin to what an actual blogger would write, I imagine. I don't necessarily think of myself as a blogger. Significantly too much fiction for that. But there are days I feel like one, and I don't know how I feel about that. Perhaps that is why I can have trouble sitting down and doing this at times.

But in some ways, I feel like these real talks are important. Perhaps not to a reader, but to me. It's not often I try and put my feelings about writing into actual words, which may seem a bit off all things given, and doing these makes me think about why I write and how I write and why I write the way I write. I hope that doing this will help me to understand myself as a writer. Then I can really start growing.

Perhaps I'm not giving myself enough credit. I have written a lot. I have written more consistently than I ever have in my life. I've even thought about writing more than I used to. I can only hope that translates into my writing itself.