Looking back

We've all looked back on something we've done in the past, something we were proud of at the time, and think to ourselves "...Really? I was proud of that?" We feel ashamed, or embarassed, and we try to hide that something in our past. We don't want others to see where we came from, where we failed. We want them to see where we are, or where we're going. And there's nothing wrong with wanting that. It's human. But we shouldn't be ashamed of where we came from. It is our past that we grow from, that teaches us the vital lessons that allow us to move forward.

For instance. I've written a lot, and I mean a lot of absolutely terrible stories. They make me cringe just thinking about them, and reading them... Damn. It's painful. But I do it anyway. Not often, hell no. But I do it. Because I understand that at some point those stories seemed good to me, and I want to know why. If I thought they were good, for any reason, then there must be some nugget of goodness to them. Even if it's just the idea itself behind the writing, there is something in them that influenced my writing, and shaped my trade. Hell, I may even find that there is something in there that I still want to use. 

It's easy to look at the old flaws and simply disregard the whole as useless. But think about some of your favorite things. Chances are, they aren't the newest and shiniest. You hold nostalgia for the things that have passed, and when new things come out, despite their improvements, we can't help but look back at the things that they came from. Perhaps because they are simpler, perhaps because the new versions are missing some function that we appreciated. But we long for the days of old.

We forget these things when the old isn't immediately seen as good. I'm not saying that there aren't old things that are just plain bad. Of course there are. But even those can be learned from. If you can see and understand why things are bad, then you can avoid making those mistakes.

I once wrote a story about a conflict between two nations, one of light and one of darkness. My main character, the leading fighter of the dark nation, was an angry, bitter man, who viciously slaughtered any who stood in his way. He was a fun character to write for his power alone, but I made some very strange decisions with him. It's been a while, so I don't remember the exact phrasing, but in an attempt to distract his opponents with confusion, I had him say something along the lives of, "I can't go to Ohio. It's Missouri in there!"

I was young. At the time, it was hilarious. Now, it's just weird. It doesn't make any sense, it doesn't fit the character, and it's just not funny. But the fact remains that I did it. I'm not going to hide that. It's stupid and terrible, but it also is a reminder of exactly what I shouldn't do when I'm writing. And in that way, it's important to remember.