Yosemite

I had been in scouts for years when I went to Yosemite Park for the first time. It was a place that I had heard about hundreds of times throughout my life - it's like a requirement if you live in California and enjoy being outdoors to any degree that you go there. But I was probably around 15 by the time that I finally went. And that's not like a, I went when I was a little kid and just don't remember it kind of thing. I legitimately had never been there. It was such a weird thing to the people around me that my dad was even surprised by it.

I remember the drive in to the park was very long - not the drive to get there, but the actual drive from the park entrance down to where we were camping. And I remember looking out the window at it all and just being amazed. There's a reason that Yosemite is such a popular spot in California. It's absolutely gorgeous. Whether you are in the valley, looking up at the trees growing around you and seeing just how massive everything is, or if you are on the top of one of the mountains and looking down and seeing everything that you have been through, Yosemite is stunning. I remember asking my dad how I had never been here before - which was of course responded to with a look and statement of disbelief.

But as we camped out for the night, and I saw the stars through the trees, and I could smell the fresh air and hear the sounds of nature, I realized something. I had been in scouts for years. Slowly but surely, I had grown to love nature. To love being out there, seeing the sights, experiencing the world through my own senses, rather than those of others. If I had gone to Yosemite much earlier than that, I wouldn't have appreciated it as much as I did when I finally got there.

Now a days it's hard to remember a time that I didn't enjoy being out there. Even if I don't do it that often, there is something oddly freeing about being up on a mountain, sweating and breathing hard, but knowing it was because you pushed yourself all the way up. It's just... natural. Which is my favorite state of being.

And that first time I was in Yosemite, having it all come crashing down on me in such beautiful immensity, was the first time it really hit me. Just how much magic there is in the natural world. And let me tell you something. It's addicting.

Staying awake

I touched on this about a week ago, but I've been having a very hard time staying awake lately. I've had trouble sleeping for years, and it seems it's finally catching up with me - I near constantly feel as though I am on the edge of falling asleep, and if I don't have something to keep my hands and mind active, I very likely will. It's especially a problem when I'm at work, because unless I am very actively engaged with a customer, I usually don't have a lot that keeps me active enough to fully stay awake. I don't fall asleep on my feet, but I certainly don't feel particularly awake.

I know people who wouldn't really find this to be much of a problem. For them, sleep is a wonderful thing and they can never get enough of it. And I definitely can't argue that I don't need the sleep. I very much do. But I would rather I be getting it at night, when I'm in bed, rather than during the day when I'd like to be getting things done. Every time I fall asleep is time lost during the day, and while I may not always use my time very efficiently, I often wish to do things at specific times, which is ruined by sleeping through it. Silly things, like not wanting to start working on a project until the turn of the hour, but at least when I'm awake and that time comes, I'll actually go and get to work. But lately I keep sleeping through and wanting to wait until the next hour, and then falling asleep again, over and over and over.

Even now as I'm typing all of this out, I'm fighting to keep myself awake. My eyes are threatening to close, I can't stop yawning, and my brain is certainly not functioning on full throttle. It's honestly probably part of the reason I haven't been writing much fiction lately - I'm too tired to try and actively create a story. I've tried, and I just don't feel good about what comes out of my fingers. I hate it, because I feel as though I'm losing control of myself, which is really saying something when I consider how little control I've felt as though I have had over myself to begin with.

I should really probably get a sleep study done. I need to figure out where to go for one, what I have to do, stuff like that. Not to mention I'll have to figure out when I'll have time to do it. Having a job makes dealing with health problems not the easiest thing in the world. But like I've said before, at least my job cares.

Sci-fi

I've been spending a lot of time lately thinking about what I enjoy in stories of different genres, rather than wanting to actually write something. I'm tired - at least as of the moment - of writing what feels like the same stories again and again. So I guess, rather unconsciously, I've been trying to find the things that make me excited about writing again.

In my writing yesterday, I mentioned that to me, fantasy is about using magic to help explain the events. It's not just the setting - modern and medieval fantasy share elements with each other, but they're very different from one another all the same. Science fiction is very similar to me. If you go to a library or book store, chances are fantasy and science fiction are shoved together on the same shelves, though anyone who reads them is consistently frustrated by it, because they are incredibly different. But in many ways, that difference comes down to a single element - fantasy uses magic to explain, while science fiction uses science.

I'm not a huge sci-fi fan, though there are definitely some that I enjoy. A lot of the times, the ones that I enjoy more are the ones that don't feel the need to overload on their science. Now, perhaps that's just because I'm more of a fantasy fan, but I find that if the science behind the events of the story are simpler and more relatable, I find the story as a whole easier to follow and more interesting. For instance, I'm not a huge fan of Star Trek. I have certainly seen some interesting episodes, but I frequently find that the constant stream of technobabble just confuses things. They make up problems, and then make up solutions for them, entirely with words that mean absolutely nothing to me.

Compare it to something like the game Parasite Eve for PS1. There is (was? I'm not sure) a scientific theory that states that mitochondria in the cell is a parasite that helps our cells to function in exchange for life. Parasite Eve explores this concept - what if the mitochondria could gain power over the cells and become the predominant force? It doesn't get much more complicated than that. So much so that if you talked to someone who's played the game before, probably the first phrase out of their mouths will be "Mitochondria are the powerhouse of the cell," because the game says it so frequently. And while it may be a bit silly and over the top, it makes for an interesting and solidly put together story that doesn't take a lot of deciphering to enjoy.

Maybe I'm just a simple guy. I don't think there's a whole lot wrong with that. But, generally speaking, I think if you can make a story interesting without requiring the reader to have a dictionary on hand, that says a whole lot more than putting in every vocabulary word you can think of.

Hidden

I've been playing a lot of games lately where information about the world is hidden away from the player. And I'm not talking, like, true intentions of characters or organizations or detailed maps or something like that. Like, basic facts about the world that all of the in game characters are familiar with that are just never actually given to the player. I don't find it somehow intriguing to listen to hours of characters talking about things that are part of their everyday lives while I work on piecing together what the hell it all means.

Now, can something like this work? Of course it can. The thing is, most of the time that involves having a character - either primary or secondary - who is in the players shoes, not knowing anything about the world and needing to learn and explore to find it out. An amnesiac, a foreigner, a child - something that helps the player feel like they are not alone in the world. But some games just don't have that, and it makes the world feel very strange and almost spiteful of someone trying to come in and learn.

I can kind of understand why a developer would choose to do so. Listening to extended amounts of backstory or world building can be boring and frustrating when you just want to play the game. Having characters explain things to each other that they should already know doesn't make any sense. They want to let you get into the action, and they want the world to feel natural and organic. But that doesn't mean a whole lot if there's no context to put everything to. What do a character's motivations mean to the player if they involve spouting keywords that mean nothing to us? Organizations with titles and no explanation as to what they do or how they came to power. It's just irritating.

Can you imagine if you came to the United States, with no understanding of its government or infrastructure, and the moment you asked what a president was, the only response you got was "the president"? But everyone around you just kept talking about it as usual, but just refused to answer your questions on the subject. That's not a fun puzzle to solve. It's just irritating.

And yet I see this happen all the time in books, movies, and games. Primarily in the fantasy genre. I mean, I'm not all that smart, but I'm pretty sure fantasy doesn't mean that you get to just make stuff up and never explain it. You just don't have to explain how magic works - it's magic, that's the point. Although you could. And usually that's pretty fun.

Fire

You may have noticed that with a lot of my writing, I have a strange obsession with fire and burning. Honestly, I really don't know what it is - you know how everyone has something they just kind of say when they don't know what else to say? That's kind of what fire is like for me with writing. When I'm running out of ideas, I just kind of go to fire. And that doesn't mean that I go to burning things and destroying with flames - rather, I usually go to some form of controlling fire, or controlling one's self around fire.

And I suppose given just how many blog posts I have done now, I haven't done all that many fire posts, but if you go through and look at them all, they're not all too different. Though I suppose that could be said about a lot of my writing. But like I said, when I write on fire, it tends to focus on those two things. In fact, one of my favorite stories (and one that I really have no idea where to go with) has a main character that controls fire through his guitar. I would love to explore more about him and his friends. The problem is I really don't know what the point of their story is. Hard to push towards a goal when there isn't any, after all.

I really just find something fascinating about fire. I was like that when I was in boy scouts, too - I was never particularly good at building fires, but I loved sitting around the campfire and just staring into the flames, watching the way that it danced around itself, making fleeting images above the wood that faded and disappeared into the night sky, leaving only faint embers that lasted for the briefest of moments. It was beautiful and warming and happy - and yet, at the same time, I knew that it was dangerous to get to close to it, and that given the opportunity, fire could cause mass destruction.

But I guess that's what makes it so cool to me. It's versatile. It can be used to create and to destroy. I mean, hell, I'm learning how to use fire to make art. And I'm not an artist, but that's just too cool of an opportunity to pass up - especially when I already like working with wood. It all just kind of makes sense to me. From blacksmithing, to scouts, to pyrography... Fire is in a ton of my interests. And when I'm playing a game with elements in it? You know I have to go the fire path, even if it's not the best.

So it's just kind of something that's in my head a lot. And when I run out of other stuff, that tends to come in. So I guess it's really not that much of a surprise that I would want to write about it.

Soreness

I'm generally a very stiff person - like, actually physically stiff - but there are definitely times when that stiffness goes from standard to debilitating. But the thing with stiffness is that there is both good and bad stiffness, though I think for a lot of people that's a pretty hard concept to grasp. And I mean, I can't really blame anyone for that, because if I wasn't familiar with it myself, I would think someone saying that was crazy. But there is, and it comes at the end of a day hard worked and well used.

Frequently, the people who talk about this kind of stuff are people who exercise regularly, and they can tell that they've pushed themselves when afterwards they're body begins to feel sore and stiff. Of course, in reality they probably should be stretching more, which is the real reason they feel stiff and sore, and that is very much so the wrong kind, as it will eventually lead to immobile muscles and frequent injury. However, there is certainly a certain amount of soreness that comes with it regardless, and that's the kind of feeling that reminds you throughout the day that you are progressing.

And that same kind of soreness can come if you spend your day working on a number of physical projects. Reorganizing and cleaning, moving heavy boxes from one place to another so that you can better use the space you have available to you. And of course, there is a fine line to toe - you don't want to injure yourself doing it, but you should be able to feel the fact that you did. After all, if the feeling is negligible, chances are so was the work you put in. The more you can feel what you have done, the more that must mean that you have accomplished.

It's interesting how far some people and sports take this concept. I was recently watching a video about an ultra runner, someone who runs a thousand or more miles in a year, primarily over dirt roads and mountains. The interesting thing about him, though, was his comment about pain and pleasure. "There aren't any ultra runners who don't know suffering," he said. "You can't be a part of this sport and have not experienced suffering. Every run is suffering. But the difference between us is that we push through that suffering. We don't let that suffering control us. Because we know on the other end of that pain is where the pleasure is waiting for us."

It's incredible to even think that someone could think this way. Stranger still that it's successful. But I think it's a mindset worth having, because it applies to everything in life. If you can push through the pain, on the other side you will find pleasure unlike any you had previously known. No pain, no gain, right?

REI

I've mentioned before that I now work at REI, which is a statement I'm not afraid of making, unlike when I was previously working at Target - probably because I have very few poor things to say about REI, which is the opposite of what it was like at Target. I'm not sure if REI is the place that I want to spend the rest of my life - retail in general has its ups and downs, especially for someone like me who doesn't particularly like being around large numbers of people - but I would argue that it is easily the best place for me as of right now.

I forget if I've talked about this on here before, but I suffer from pretty major depression, and have only recently been diagnosed for it. I've tried for a very long time to ignore and bury this fact - doing so has not stopped it. It has not helped me. As of now, however, acknowledging it has not particularly helped either. But months of acknowledgment are not much in the face of years of hiding. Which brings me to the reason why REI has been so spectacular for me.

REI, for the unaware, is a co-operative and not a business, which means that they are not owned and controlled by stocks, but rather their members - and their members are their customers. Quite literally - to become a member is a one-time fee of twenty dollars, non-recurring, it lasts the rest of your life, and it gives you not only access to exclusive dividends and discounts, but gives you the right to vote on REI's board of directors. Target sure as hell won't offer you that. And it's not like Costco, which requires a membership to get through the door. An REI membership is completely optional. But what have you got to lose? Hell, we don't even keep the money - we donate one hundred percent of membership fees to national parks and services.

This puts employees - and particularly the higher-ups - in a rather unique position compared to other companies. Money is not the bottom line. Is it important? Of course. You have to make money to continue operations. But people are the bottom line. We don't want you to come back so that we get more money - we want you to come back because you enjoy being in the store, sharing your stories of where you've been and where you're going, and get the advice of people who do those same kinds of things and know a ton about the different products you're going to be buying.

But a customer can't enjoy shopping if the employee doesn't enjoy working. Which is why, when I told my manager that I suffer from depression, and that as it has recently gotten worse it has become more difficult for me to work, despite how I feel about the company, he was understanding. Supremely understanding. He wasn't mad at me for wanting to leave early. He wasn't upset with me for hiding this fact about myself up to now. Rather, he was proud of me for being brave enough to admit it, and he wanted to help. He told me how to get a leave if I needed it so that what I'm going through would not impact my standing with the company. He offered his own advice from his own experiences. He gave me tissues and literally got up and hugged me when I couldn't hold it in anymore.

And I know that I can trust him.

I've had good experiences at my particular REI, and I've been to a few others that I really couldn't speak ill of either. I don't know a lot about the big picture. But if my manager, a man who is willing to do so much to help me when I need it, tells me that when he sees what headquarters and the new CEO are doing he gets excited for the future of REI, so do I.